As Minister for Communications I often receive letters of complaint about the left-wing bias in the ABC. I get E-Mails about it too.

I had two recently, complaining about the ABC's decision to drop its feed of BBC gulf war coverage because of a "contractual agreement". Both writers, very astutely, recognised this as yet another transparent excuse for left-wing ineptitude when it comes to news coverage. According to one, this is because the ABC is dominated by old Trots (Trotskyites), the other alleges a Stalinist political agenda.

I'm going to make enquiries into the possibility of tendering for the supply of ice-picks to all ABC staff. That ought to sort things out, one way or the other. At the very least it should eliminate about half of the problem.

I've heard this is the sort of thing you put in your "blog" to show you have a sense of humour. I don't think it's porn, but I'm not sure that the content is entirely suitable for children. Is "Mushroom-Eating Proboscis Monkey" a new form of sexual innuendo?

Richard Alston is a Mushroom-Eating Proboscis Monkey ...with a Battle Rating of 3.4 To see if your Food-Eating Battle Monkey can defeat Richard Alston, enter your name:

Who cares what The Register says anyway?